How I stopped sucking at Poker

Fred E By Fred E, 15th Aug 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Gambling>Poker>Poker Strategies

Short intro to why I suck at poker and continue to lose but love the game

Poker, the clitoris of male bonding

It's poker night, the cards are dealt as each player calmly looks at their cards and slowly tilts their heads up as if to be calculating the precision of the next move. Each person checks and raises until it gets to me. I look at one card, an Ace! My eyes light up like I've just been offered a free lap dance from a young Katie Holmes. I slide the card over to reveal yet another Ace! Now my whole body feels like it's being rubbed with sandpaper. I try to keep it cool, but it's not working, and every part of my face itches. I take my eyes off the cards to find my friends staring at me as if I had just put a chainsaw to a baby's neck. "You've got the worst poker face!"

I bet there are bodies that my friends have buried that I don't know about because they can't trust my poker face. I can't help it, it's how I was born. But, hope is not lost, I have been working on it and have shown improvement. Here are a few tips I've learned to help keep a poker face when the heat is on.

1. Don't make eye contact. Don't look anyone in the eye until you've got yourself together. This is why you see guys wearing sunglasses at the World Series of Poker, it's not to hide shiners from illegal pit fighting, it's to hide their true tells.

2. If you need to calm your nerves down think of these two things in this exact order: First, ask yourself what it would feel like to commit suicide, the look this thought produces is eerily similar to someone solving a complex math theorem, no one can tell the difference. Second, ask yourself what it would be like to switch underwear with the person across from you.

Practice these two tips and before you know it, you'll have everyone at the table thinking your a pro.


Doyle Brunson, Flush, Funny, Game, Online Poker, Poker, Poker Stars, Poker Strategies, Three Of A Kind, Two Pair

Meet the author

author avatar Fred E
Ive studied Architecture, Interior design, marketing, business and have recently graduated from publishing. I will be focusing on weddings, design, investing and pets

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